When your a child growing up your view on life is very naive. For instance, you grow up to get married and have children living happily ever after. My generation watched shows that showed this view weekly. Ozzie and Harriet, and Leave it to Beaver were two of such life's. Moms stayed home and waited on the family while Dad went to the office everyday. Children were happy, polite and respected their parents. I imagined as a Mother I would be the coolest. Having time to play with my kids. I would be the coolest Mom ever. No stress, no house work, no bills to worry about, just fun and games. A child's mind is full of wonderful fantasies.
Of course in this fantasy my children our loving, laughing, cuddling, and perfect. How could adulthood be anything else? And then adulthood slowly creeps in. It greets you slowly. So slowly so at first you still hold on to the fantasy, but there is no stay at home Mom. She has to work to support the family. The Father who had has illusions on life is faced with his own reality. The Father, husband, and son who had the childhood with a stay at home Mother expects a starting CEO job because he has a degree. Life wouldn't be a ladder to climb up. He will start his journey at the top. Of course it doesn't happen that way. He struggles to keep a job because he is disappointed in how his ego is treated by the corporate world. He thinks life should be easier, handed to him. No struggles just simple. He grew up rich while the wife he chose grew up poor. She came from a family that struggled. He wanted a wife that was beautiful and sexy. Never seeing her as a Mother to his own children. Wanting to be put first, in the relationship, it changes once the first child arrives. He sees his wife differently then. She is not quite as sexy then. He is no longer first. The full attention he once demanded is shared with a baby that needs her Mother. The baby depends on her Mother for breastfeeding, clean diapers, love, and time. The Mother loves every minute she has with her baby girl. She once again is naive. She truly believes the husband, who is the father and who is the son takes that step back so the helpless child's needs come before his own. In some families it is a natural process. But not all. Over time the Father,who is the husband, and who is the son seeks the number one position again. If he can't get is at home he will seek it out else where. He will search many places, and with other woman. Coming home to his wife and child is now not first on his mind. His ego and sexual needs still have to come first if not by his wife then by someone else. He blames the wife for his actions. She made him do it, so in his mind he does not have to feel guilt. He's wife who is now also a Mother works nights so she can be at home with the baby during the day and let the Father be there while the baby sleeps. The Mother is supporting the family so the Father can go back to school and add to his degree. In his eyes more education helps him skip to the top faster. So another few years the Mother bears the weight. The (son) has a family that tries to help the young struggling family. Not by giving financial support but by a loan to build another business that will require more time to work besides the full time job the mother has outside the home. It is all meant to give a better life but it to is naive. The husband, father and son sees himself as the CEO of that business, the grunt work is below him as he feels he is initialed to be not only the husband and father, but now the role of boss over his wife. In his eyes since it was his Father that gave the family the loan it only made since that he use that to create power and control of the family. The steps meant to help this family with great intentions from the heart, create a man who's search for a ego, give reason to him that he is superior. No equal partners. He will do what it takes to control his wife and forfeiting the love and respect she had for him. It is the start of the end.
Of course in this fantasy my children our loving, laughing, cuddling, and perfect. How could adulthood be anything else? And then adulthood slowly creeps in. It greets you slowly. So slowly so at first you still hold on to the fantasy, but there is no stay at home Mom. She has to work to support the family. The Father who had has illusions on life is faced with his own reality. The Father, husband, and son who had the childhood with a stay at home Mother expects a starting CEO job because he has a degree. Life wouldn't be a ladder to climb up. He will start his journey at the top. Of course it doesn't happen that way. He struggles to keep a job because he is disappointed in how his ego is treated by the corporate world. He thinks life should be easier, handed to him. No struggles just simple. He grew up rich while the wife he chose grew up poor. She came from a family that struggled. He wanted a wife that was beautiful and sexy. Never seeing her as a Mother to his own children. Wanting to be put first, in the relationship, it changes once the first child arrives. He sees his wife differently then. She is not quite as sexy then. He is no longer first. The full attention he once demanded is shared with a baby that needs her Mother. The baby depends on her Mother for breastfeeding, clean diapers, love, and time. The Mother loves every minute she has with her baby girl. She once again is naive. She truly believes the husband, who is the father and who is the son takes that step back so the helpless child's needs come before his own. In some families it is a natural process. But not all. Over time the Father,who is the husband, and who is the son seeks the number one position again. If he can't get is at home he will seek it out else where. He will search many places, and with other woman. Coming home to his wife and child is now not first on his mind. His ego and sexual needs still have to come first if not by his wife then by someone else. He blames the wife for his actions. She made him do it, so in his mind he does not have to feel guilt. He's wife who is now also a Mother works nights so she can be at home with the baby during the day and let the Father be there while the baby sleeps. The Mother is supporting the family so the Father can go back to school and add to his degree. In his eyes more education helps him skip to the top faster. So another few years the Mother bears the weight. The (son) has a family that tries to help the young struggling family. Not by giving financial support but by a loan to build another business that will require more time to work besides the full time job the mother has outside the home. It is all meant to give a better life but it to is naive. The husband, father and son sees himself as the CEO of that business, the grunt work is below him as he feels he is initialed to be not only the husband and father, but now the role of boss over his wife. In his eyes since it was his Father that gave the family the loan it only made since that he use that to create power and control of the family. The steps meant to help this family with great intentions from the heart, create a man who's search for a ego, give reason to him that he is superior. No equal partners. He will do what it takes to control his wife and forfeiting the love and respect she had for him. It is the start of the end.
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